Saturday, October 27, 2012

{Day 26: Two Houses}

I am actually writing this post on day 27 because I just couldn't bear to write it yesterday. It has been on my mind to update the story of who I am--my About page--so that I don't give readers the wrong idea. Somehow this falls into the category of lovely little spaces and why it's so important to me to create them. 

A rainy field trip.
As you may have learned from my morning makeover, my home life can look very different, depending on the day of the week

I have been divorced for nearly four years--more than half my daughter's life and nearly all of my son's time in elementary school. Back then, as I researched the effect of divorce on children, I read that kids can emotionally & educationally lose up to an entire year of school during their parent's divorce. What better time than kindergarten then if you have to lose a year? Which is an absolutely awful thought. And ultimately the divorce really wasn't a choice. 

There are plenty of things I would do over, given the chance. But the number one is the custody schedule. At the time, I agreed to nearly halftime to ensure that the kids had lots of time with their dad in order to have a relationship with him. I had seen too many examples of fathers & kids being torn apart by divorce. I now realize that kids can be just fine seeing their other parent on a less frequent basis, and that they benefit from more consistency than our situation provides.

As an aside, my kids seemed to actually flourish once the divorce occurred. They grew physically and they smiled and laughed more. It is very difficult at times, but the lesson was not that we shouldn't have divorced but that we never should have married in the first place. Of course, if we hadn't married, there would be no Griffin or Bela in this world. 

Upon learning of our schedule, a nice mom from our elementary school said, "You must get so many projects done while they're gone!" But in reality, I didn't. For a long time, I would close their bedroom doors when they were gone and not go in. Too painful. I missed them too much. The house gets too quiet. I like having people to do things for, even if it means it takes me twice as long to do everything. 

I have resisted writing about it because I don't want this blog to be about divorce, even though in real life, I feel like I am the ambassador to Divorceland. My door is open to any mom who wants to talk, and I now have a legion of friends who are divorced moms. 

Clearly, I could go on & on. But I'd rather focus on other things, like making this home as warm & loving as possible, and writing about that. I am sure I'll write more about the divorce because it's part of who we are, but that's enough for now.

2 comments:

  1. My favorite post so far.

    I understand. But, you already know that. And, I still close their doors.

    I like all the yellow on here...just feels happy, like you.

    Thank you for the happiness and daily inspiration. You help me remember who I was (am) and what I loved before I became an ambassador.

    I'm off to clean, sort, nest, etc.

    carin

    ReplyDelete

Thanks so much for commenting! I love to read what you have to say. ~Carrie

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